10 tips for keeping youth sports fun – for parents and kids alike

Billy Pinckney plays baseball, yes, but there is something about just being around the game that has always felt right to him.

He was about 11 when he looked for a way to get closer to the players on his local minor league team. He wrote a letter, with the help of his father, to the front office of the New Jersey Jackals. He asked if they needed a batboy and was hired the next season.

In 2015, he wanted to learn more about the guys he observed in the dugout, so he started talking to them.

“It was no problem for me,” Pinckney, now 21, tells USA TODAY Sports. “I had the access; I just used my phone and began to interview the players.”

The team later asked him to create content for its new videoboard. Pinckney did pregame reports, promoted the Jackals through social media and even helped the manager find players.

Other times, he quietly observed how they communicated with each other. Communication is so important in baseball, as it is in life. These players in the unaffiliated minor leagues ground through the harshest of slumps while fighting for their professional lives, a painful yet joyful experience everyone seemed to understand.

It was a lot different from what Pinckney felt when he got to high school, where his baseball coaches called out players – including himself – for failure or implored them not to screw up under pressure.

“I didn’t enjoy the game anymore,” Pinckney says. “I faced those situations but, at the same time, I was being taught lessons from the professional players who I work with who played in the big leagues, who played in Double-A and Triple-A. ... You had coaches who either played at the big-league level or played in the minor leagues and they know the grind. They know what it feels like to get released or get hurt and deal with those situations.

"Sometimes at the younger levels and high school, inexperience and the egos come into play. I think a lot of those coaches at the younger levels just want to be able to show the parents that they know what they’re talking about by yelling at kids ... whereas at the pro level, they really don’t need to do that. They’re confident in themselves.”

Billy felt like quitting. He wasn’t alone. According to a 2021 poll from the National Alliance for Youth Sports, about 7 of 10 kids stop playing sports by age 13 because they’re not fun anymore. When Billy got to college, there were even players on his club team at Montclair State University who shared their stories about overbearing coaches, or of parents who hovered over their results and success on the field.

Billy had more perspective. His parents didn’t pressure him in that way, and he had all of those stories players shared with him from some of his early days with the Jackals.

Combining his interviews with others he conducted, he published “Passion Prevails: Baseball’s Top Performers Advise Youth Players on Maximizing Their Experience” in June. Within its pages are lessons for young athletes from current and former professional players, coaches, educators and others.

“Even though I’m younger and I don’t have as much experience as a coach, I’ve just educated myself on the subject and I think a lot of young players and parents and youth coaches should do the same,” he says. “It’s really just a matter of educating yourself and, unfortunately, the ones who do need to be educating themselves aren’t.”

Below are some unconventional lessons from Pinckney, now a senior at Montclair State, and individuals he has interviewed about how you can to keep the fire burning for your sport. The tips offer insight young athletes and their parents can take to heart. They might even keep you from quitting the team.

(Note: In some instances, I have also added in perspective from my own experiences.)

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1. Stick it out: Coaches come and go

A parent’s first reaction to poor coaching might be to complain or remove a child from the situation. But everyone is going to have a poor coach from time to time, especially at the youth levels, where many coaches lack experience and knowhow. Seasons last only a few months. Your child is someday going to have many teachers, bosses and (hopefully) coaches throughout his or her life. What lessons are you teaching your child by immediately pulling he or she from the team? You can learn something about yourself – and your sport – by handling the situation.

“I advise my travel players to stick out the whole season,” Ani Ramos, a former Jackals bullpen catcher and assistant coach who runs a catching academy, told Pinckney. “However, because this is America and you have freedom, you have the right to professionally go to another organization after the year. That coach is there temporarily … I guarantee you that if you continue to work and improve that there will be a time when the coach turns around and needs you.”

2. Separate sports and life

Especially as you get older, failure at your sport can eat you alive if you let it. From an early age, find something that separates you from your sport that helps you get your mind off of it. The diversion might be an instrument, a daily bike ride with your friends or helping one of your parents make dinner. Yes, enjoy yourself on the field and leave everything out there when you play, but when you’re done, don’t let what happened on the field seep into your personal life and affect people around you. This isn’t easy. Professionals struggle with moving on from a bad day, but when they figure out how to quickly wipe away the slate, it helps them with their careers and their lives. “Your career, no matter how long you play, is temporary,” Pinckney says.

3. 'Be a goofball'

This advice works for players and coaches. Todd Frazier was a first-round draft pick who played more than 11 seasons in the big leagues as mostly a third baseman. He hit more than 200 home runs, was a two-time All-Star and part of three postseasons with two different teams. He now spends time coaching his Little League-aged son’s team. He sometimes has to take a step back when he gets too excited or nervous and remembers he is coaching children. He knows baseball gets serious – very serious – as you advance in age. Why not take the time to have a relay race or home run derby or an infield contest in practice? If you plan a fun activity at the end of practice, your players will leave energized and look forward to the next one.

4. Take time off

If you spend too much time focusing on one sport at a young age, you’re likely to get hurt. When he was 11, my son developed tendonitis because he threw several times a week during the pandemic and then played consecutively in seasons in the summer and fall of 2020. An orthopedist advised him to take six months off from throwing. He’s stronger than ever now. While you’re young, try playing another sport instead of your main sport for a season or two. “If you don't take care of your body, your body will force you to take care of it,” Tom Hackimer, a former minor league pitcher who had Tommy John elbow surgery in 2002, told Pinckney.

5. If you want a player (or coach) to respect you, respect them

It’s advice Mel Stottlemyre Jr., the pitching coach for the Miami Marlins, gathered by observing in the deeply respectful interactions his late father had with players. Don Mattingly, another highly decorated former New York Yankees player like the senior Stottlemyre, has taken a similar approach as a coach. Mattingly, now the Toronto Blue Jays' bench coach, has never carried himself like he was anything special. He just shows up and works.

“It's tireless work down there a lot in the cage with him,” the Dodgers’ Andrew Ethier told me in 2008 when Mattingly was coaching with the team, “and he's there every day willing to do it with you.”

6. (For parents) 'Keep your mouth shut'

Dr. Rob Gilbert, a professor of Exercise Science and Physical Education at Montclair State who spoke to Pinckney, observed how former Super Bowl-winning quarterback Phil Simms watched his son Chris’ high school football games in New Jersey. He sat by himself and never said a word. He didn’t even talk to the coaches, or to Chris. “Just keep your mouth shut,” Gilbert says. “Just love to watch your kind play.”

7. You can only control effort and attitude

You want your son or daughter to try hard and want to be at the game. If they want to do so, they will practice on their own. Don't force it at a young age. Chris Carminucci, a pro scout in charge of independent league scouting for the Diamondbacks who has also coached at the pro and collegiate levels, has seen parents become far too involved. “They have to learn to control those two things,” he tells Pinckney. “Otherwise get the hell out of the way.” Also, stay away from the coach and let he or she coach, unless you are asked to help. Don't write letters or emails to the coach on behalf of your kid. Instead, have your kid out the coach one-on-one with issues. You'd be surprised at how many kids can do this for a young ages. The earlier a player feels he can advocate for himself or herself, the faster that player’s independence within a sport will develop.

8. Strive for a .500 record

Kash Beauchamp, a former minor league outfielder who manages the independent Ogden (Utah) Raptors, told Pinckney likes to see youth teams lose as much as they win. This means the players are being challenged. If your team is dominating everyone in your league, the players likely are not getting better at a fast rate. To that point, I have found you should seek out a travel team where your son or daughter is in the middle in terms of skill level compared to the other players.

9. Ask why?

If your kid doesn’t understand why he or she is being corrected, have he or she ask the coach. “If they can identify what they are doing incorrectly, they can fix themselves,” Beauchamp says. “Too many coaches make players dependent upon them by telling them everything to do. …  The coach’s job is to tell the kid what he did wrong and how to fix it.” And don't look at your mom or dad when something goes wrong, at least during the game. Look at your coach.

10. Confidence is more important than batting average

“Kids quit this game at 13 years old because of the pressure that is put on them by those who love them most,” Steve Springer, a former major league infielder and coach who focuses on the mental side of hitting, told Pinckney. The pressure from coaches and parents can be enormous. “When you take fun away, and (there is) somebody yelling at me, they’re going to lose their passion for it,” Springer says. Offer (constructive) criticism. If they’re of high school age, build them up before you break them down. And don’t dwell on stats. "The only stat you should care about is, ‘How many games in a row did you compete with confidence,” Springer says. If your child is good enough to play in college someday, he or she will be noticed, regardless of his or her stats.

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Steve Borelli, aka Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer with USA TODAY since 1999. He spent 10 years coaching his two sons’ baseball and basketball teams. He and his wife, Colleen, are now loving life as sports parents for a high schooler and middle schooler. For his past columns, click here.

Got a question for Coach Steve you want answered in a future column? Email him at [email protected]